Rounding with tablets and smart-phones

How is having all this knowledge at my finger tips going to change patient management? The power of reading and dissecting concepts and using the right tools at the right time will not change. Perhaps, the speed and accuracy of recall will. Perhaps, it's only fitting to have tablets and smart-phones at our disposal while rounding because the sheer volume of new literature is mind blowing and being able to answer that one pertinent question in a matter of a few seconds can make a difference. I am happy to say that I am part of a very connected world acutely tuned in to all that is new and all that is tried and tested. I can' help but feel proud of my generation for empowering all those who seek knowledge and help them apply their knowledge in timely manner.

Pride and Knowledge

Knowledge sure is power. It can make or break lives merely depending upon how it is used. Sometimes; I struggle to prevent knowledge from seeding unnecessary pride in me. It is a tricky slope. The higher you go, the mightier you feel and you can easily lose sight of the true purpose of gaining knowledge. I find learning medicine a very humbling experience. The more I learn; the more I feel there is to learn and perhaps; that keeps my pride in check. True greatness comes from humility and true knowledge should make you more humble rather than make your head swim in ill-founded pride. In medicine; knowing one's limitations and stemming ignorance which arises from those limitations is a constant challenge as much as fortifying and re-fortifying your strengths; thus medicine manages to always keep you grounded.

I ask fervently for the strength to always seek out new knowledge so I can use the best of my knowledge and skills to do the best for my patients and to tirelessly grow in humility and someday hope to emulate the great mentors I have been blessed to work with thus far and in the future.

My life really sin't that hard

I find myself feeling awful about complaining about small stuff in life whenever I see my patients. They are obviously suffering from much bigger problems than I could ever imagine and so many of them have an amazing attitude devoid of self-pity and bitterness. Then I wonder; what makes me crib about "small stuff"; stuff which I am sure anybody would love to trade for the bigger problems in their life. My patients are dealing with things I take for granted; like enjoying a bite of my favorite dessert (which incidentally has been changing quite rapidly; it used to be tiramisu; now it's creme brulee but my sweet tooth is becoming a little more than just fond of strawberry shortcake) because they can't swallow and will choke on their own saliva; a good night's sleep because they are too anxious or depressed about all the uncertainties of their future; they have to worry about even being able to transfer from a bed to a chair; about being able to have a bowel movement without an accident; they as much as I worry about being able to dream and live their dreams. I truly want to ask forgiveness for ever complaining about my life and want to be thankful to the powers that be for all that I have and will be blessed with now and in the future. May I never take anything in my life for granted.

Attachment

When you're throat's parched and words seem to dry up; when your eyes well up but you'd rather not cry; when you know you've got to be that pillar of strength which never gives way; how do you let yourself feel and yet be stoic; how do you show empathy and not die in pain; how do you show you care? The challenge is not about caring enough; it's about letting your heart feel that tug but not your tear glands; it's about giving it all you've got without losing your head; it's about doing the right thing over and over again without feeling that extra sense of pride; it's about remembering every step of the way that you're not great because of what you do but because of what you've been chosen to do for the people who matter the most; it's about doing your job and being humble about it for you've been blessed and it's time to share that blessing.
Being a physician can sometimes make you don a mantle of detachment. I don't think it's detachment which keeps us sane; it's attachment; it's that attachment to our patients which makes us go that extra mile every time we think we maybe fighting a losing battle and it's the same attachment which makes us want to provide a dignified death as much as a dignified life. It's that attachment which drives all research and the same attachment which makes us thirst for knowledge insatiable. I pray that I may never lose that attachment; I pray that I may be humble; I pray that I may give without wanting and work like I was meant to now and always.

I couldn't have done this!

I just completed my six interrupted weeks of Pediatric Neurology and needless to say the experience took its toll on me. The respect I have for Pediatric Neurologists has only increased manifold. Although I was fascinated by the amount of new stuff I was learning but all that learning was interspersed with way too many heart wrenching moments. You know that a field's not for you when you find yourself holding back tears at times more than you can actually keep a count of :(
As a medical student, I had enjoyed my Pediatric rotation for the sheer volume of knowledge I gained during those months but I had realized this very early on that I was not cut out for taking care of sick children in the hospital. I would get too lost in all the tears and all those smiles. I am so glad I made my choice early on. When I think of the contributions the field of Pediatric Neurology is making to the world, it's simply amazing for these physicians are caring for the sickest children and families and giving them so much to look forward to; giving them hope and perhaps their rights to live their dream again. When one of my attendings said that he found my enthusiasm for this field refreshing I couldn't help but tell him that I cannot even dream of doing what this teams's been doing and the least I can do is learn as much as I can as my tribute to this field!
Looking forward to my next six weeks as a PGY4 in Peds Neuro.