Attachment

When you're throat's parched and words seem to dry up; when your eyes well up but you'd rather not cry; when you know you've got to be that pillar of strength which never gives way; how do you let yourself feel and yet be stoic; how do you show empathy and not die in pain; how do you show you care? The challenge is not about caring enough; it's about letting your heart feel that tug but not your tear glands; it's about giving it all you've got without losing your head; it's about doing the right thing over and over again without feeling that extra sense of pride; it's about remembering every step of the way that you're not great because of what you do but because of what you've been chosen to do for the people who matter the most; it's about doing your job and being humble about it for you've been blessed and it's time to share that blessing.
Being a physician can sometimes make you don a mantle of detachment. I don't think it's detachment which keeps us sane; it's attachment; it's that attachment to our patients which makes us go that extra mile every time we think we maybe fighting a losing battle and it's the same attachment which makes us want to provide a dignified death as much as a dignified life. It's that attachment which drives all research and the same attachment which makes us thirst for knowledge insatiable. I pray that I may never lose that attachment; I pray that I may be humble; I pray that I may give without wanting and work like I was meant to now and always.

I couldn't have done this!

I just completed my six interrupted weeks of Pediatric Neurology and needless to say the experience took its toll on me. The respect I have for Pediatric Neurologists has only increased manifold. Although I was fascinated by the amount of new stuff I was learning but all that learning was interspersed with way too many heart wrenching moments. You know that a field's not for you when you find yourself holding back tears at times more than you can actually keep a count of :(
As a medical student, I had enjoyed my Pediatric rotation for the sheer volume of knowledge I gained during those months but I had realized this very early on that I was not cut out for taking care of sick children in the hospital. I would get too lost in all the tears and all those smiles. I am so glad I made my choice early on. When I think of the contributions the field of Pediatric Neurology is making to the world, it's simply amazing for these physicians are caring for the sickest children and families and giving them so much to look forward to; giving them hope and perhaps their rights to live their dream again. When one of my attendings said that he found my enthusiasm for this field refreshing I couldn't help but tell him that I cannot even dream of doing what this teams's been doing and the least I can do is learn as much as I can as my tribute to this field!
Looking forward to my next six weeks as a PGY4 in Peds Neuro.