Be kind to yourself

As a physician it is extremely easy being hard on oneself. We are perhaps our biggest critics; always striving to do better, to improve and to be perfect. It is difficult to distinguish between what is feeding our egos and what is boosting our self-esteem. Another tricky thing is trying to differentiate between what hurts our self- esteem and what hurts our egos; either way we find enough to be dissatisfied about. When I was in medical school I thought that a certain amount of dissatisfaction was a necessity; to egg me on; to prevent me from slacking, to help me achieve the impossible. As I am growing up as a physician, I am beginning to question this dissatisfaction. I don't know if that is what keeps me going or the sheer love for what I do and want to do. Medicine and death both humble me so much each day that if I were to let my ego take the brunt, then I'd perish because egos are fragile. Self esteem doesn't come from knowing everything; it comes from knowing that you will always strive to do the right thing; that you are not afraid to say I don't know but will always strive to find the right answer. Of course, not knowing the answer is annoying and being reminded that you don't know hurts but that doesn't mean that you hold on to that reminder and be harsh towards yourself. Instead those reminders are meant to make us grow in humility. I am only beginning to learn that I need to be kind to myself first if I wish to be kind to others. I need to forgive myself first for making a mistake before I can forgive others. As much as it's important to seek out knowledge, it's important to be kind to yourself and to others who are trying to do the same as physicians.