I have a consult for you...

My beeper goes off at 3:30 pm and as I answer the page; I am hoping it's not a consult when my brain is trying get home but then the voice says, "I have a consult for you..." Hmm, why didn't you call me up earlier I wonder as I start scribbling some details. So, I go see the consult. I get paged again while I am gathering information on my consult patient and this time it's a voice from the ER and the voice says what I didn't want to hear at 5 minutes to 4; "I have an admission for you." Hmm; so here I am. I really enjoy seeing patients; they are a huge part of who I am. Then why do I feel like someone should've called a consult earlier or that I shouldn't be getting an admission so close to my time to sign off? I love what I'm doing; then why do I feel that tinge of resentment when I get paged late? Shouldn't I jump with enthusiasm at every opportunity I get for learning and applying what I have learned so far. There are a few things which I realized as I was thinking about these times...one was that when you are mentally prepared to go home or call it a day; something which upsets those plans just happens to create a little resentment; or if you had plans to do things which were part of life apart from being a physician; then you get a little upset or if you're just really tired; or if it just hasn't been your day and you want it to end sooner than later or if you just want to go home! But life as a physician will always be about those moments which can never be planned for. That is both the joy and bane of being a physician; you can have a life and you can have a life but whatever you do; the very essence of your existence will be in being a physician first. The late consults/admissions are perhaps meant to prepare us as residents for the world at large; to accustom us to the uncertainties of being called upon at any time; of having plans postponed; of having to cancel birthday celebrations; of having to miss some important moments in our families; of being there and yet not being there because you're really needed more somewhere else...
Then is it cool to feel the resentment? Nope. Obviously, it's easier said than done. Being able to maintain that eagerness to learn and the drive to give it your all irrespective of the time of day; irrespective of your situations is what being a physician is all about. Someday, I'll get there; for now my beeper can keep going off whenever I'm needed whether it's to save the world or just give my opinion; I'm in training and will take it all in my stride!